So it has been a month since I accepted my first job offer and a few days shy of a month of starting my new life and career as a technical consultant. When I first started, I felt like the days were slow and long, but as I am reflecting, I realize the time has flown very quickly. In the past month, I have a learned a lot about the ins and outs of agile software development and scrum. I learned that I hate Oracle products with the intensity of a thousand suns because why can't they be configured out of the box!?! WHY AREN'T THEY USER FRIENDLY!
Yeah. Oracle sucks.
I am getting used to a new work environment and company culture. I'm trying to get in how I fit in with my project. I participate in meetings and try to say something in them so I can demonstrate activity. Everything is going as well as it can be for a new job. But I don't feel like things are going right...I don't know how to explain it. I feel like I am not supposed to be there. I feel like I don't ask enough development-related questions. I feel like I don't google things enough. More likely than not, I am being overly-critical, but as a junior developer, I just want to belong!
I am completely petrified and anxious.
I think it still has a lot to do with getting used to a new place. I didn't expect to get acclimated over the course of the day, that's not how these things work. I think I spend so much time trying to demonstrate that I am good enough or that I will be let go tomorrow. It is kind of a precarious position to be in, but I'm doing my best to let go, to embrace development-related roadblocks. I'm trying to figure out how to carve out my niche. I am trying to not feel like an oddball. There is just a whole lot of trying going on right now. This might be internalized pressure to be a "fit" to a team rather than being an "add" to a team. I think this is normal when people first join a team, right?
You know another thing that I'm really trying to get used to? The freedom and not having to be 100% on-demand with e-mails and always having to do a task. It is interesting when you have flexibility on what time you start your work day and how you work. Every two weeks, I have my big tasks outlined and I know when they have to be completed. I provide updates and communicate when I'm blocked on a feature/task. It's that agile life that I learned all about in coding bootcamp realized in the real world!
Again, this is where I am grateful for having a team that is patient and open to any and all questions! I take notes, I ask what I think are dumb questions. I repeat things to make sure I understand what is going on and I try to take on responsibilities. I just want to show people that I care and even if I don't take myself too seriously, I do take my work seriously.
I just want to be great. That's where all the internal pressure comes from. I'm sure I'll be fine. I just need to relax, bring my ideas to the table and just roll with whatever comes my way. There is still a bit of a settlement period, but I just need to relax. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE! There is going to be a lot of inhaling and exhaling. I will be great. After the initial onboarding!